Wednesday, July 16, 2014

There She is! Miss America

My decision to go back to UNLV has been a...conflicting one. Before I came out here to Fort Knox, my plan was to go back home, work my lil' ol' job for another few month and go to a small school in Utah that was a little less expensive and possibly a bit easier to handle.  

You can imagine my family's surprise when I woke up one morning and my mind had completely changed.  I had chosen, once again, to leave home and be on my own.  In some ways, I get so sad to leave. I'll miss my family so much, but I just can't stay. 

I was reading a blog post that Amelia wrote and it occurred to me why I feel that way.  I highly recommend that any twenty-something living somewhere besides their hometown gives it a read. I'm sure it will resonate with you. 
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Today my little sister sent me a SnapChat that said "It seems like you think home is a bad place".  I'm assuming she said that because I posted some BuzzFeed article on Facebook about the things that people say to you when you leave home. So...I've decided to write an open letter to the world about growing up, moving out, and being your own person. 

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My family is the number one most important thing in the world to me.  I love them all more than anything in the entire world.  Today I flipped through some pictures I have saved on my computer and I just couldn't believe how much we have all changed. 

We went from this little family just playing music together on a Friday night for our friends...

To a grandma and grandpa

A mommy 

A college student 

And well, you know all about my stuff...

But the point I'm getting at, is that in the span of about 6 or 7 years, a whole lot of things have changed. We've all lived some life and had some adventures. My little sister is about to experience living on her own for the first time. My sister and her new husband are learning all about the ups and downs of parenthood.  My parents are trying to figure out what the heck to do with an empty nest...

And me? Well I'm just trying to find the place that I fit best in this world.  I'm working on shaping my character and rounding myself out (not physically...ha. ha.) I want to "home" to be wherever I'm at.  Right now, home is my barracks room at Fort Knox. While it isn't the coziest and I'm not always super happy to sit in there and run up my phone bill, that's home. I live there and it's mine. 

For now. 

I'll always have Salt Lake to go back to.  It will always be a place that I can say I grew up in. But it's also a place that I've grown out of.  It's different and so am I. Life continues to push forward there when I'm not around.  So I need to make a home wherever I rest my head at.  

When I'm gone, I miss my family.  I miss the, while extremely annoying, familiar hum of the freeway while I fall asleep in my bed.  I miss my mom singing "There she is! Miss America!" when she fist sees me that morning.  I miss fighting over the last piece of nearly burnt-to-a-crisp bacon.  I'll miss random, late night trips to Walmart with my big sister...And I'll always miss those things. It will never go away, but things can't always stay the same.  

I'm just so lucky that I have made so many great memories with the people I love.  I can't wait to have a family of my own so I can teach my kids everything my parents have taught me.  And teach my future husband how to keep the cupboards closed and to dry off in the shower (I'm talking about you, daddy) I have been extremely blessed and lived an amazing life filled with great things.

But it's time for me to write a new volume of my life.  I can't even say it's a chapter, because I'm pretty certain this is an entirely different book of life I'm writing here. 

2 comments:

Ashley Bishop said...

Great post. I don't even know what to say.

Jessica Hall said...

I believe it is good and healthy for people to leave home and find a different path in life. Sometimes you go out into the world and realize that you want the comfort that your hometown gives you, while there are others who need to forge a path all their own.
Good luck on your next adventure so much awaits you.
-Jess

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