Friday, July 25, 2014

I Am Enough

Real talk.
Being a female in the Army is hard. Scratch that. Being a female is hard. Period. Don't get me wrong there are things that I love about being a girl, but it has some serious downfalls. 

I read an article today by a bikini competitor who writes for the Huff Post.  The gist of the article was that women have been put up on this pedestal. It explained that the ideal picture of a 'fit' woman is unattainable for 90% of females.  The point of it was de-sexualizing a fit body, but I sort of took away something different from it. 

For the first time in my life, I felt adequate.  Adequacy is something that I haven't felt in a long time.  I stand in front of a mirror and I see negative things.  I see my splotchy skin that I should have grown out of.  I see brown hair that won't stay one color no matter how often I dye it.  I see a smile I hate to show.  I see small.  Weak. Less. Not enough. 

I listen to men talk all day about women with the perfect ass and a beautiful face.  Perfectly tanned legs that go great with their sundress.  They stare.  Judge.  Rate.  And they cut down women who's story they know nothing about.  

I work in a place where I'm surrounded by men all day.  I do manual labor that is too hard for my small body and weak muscles. I work twice as hard to accomplish half the work.  I get made fun of because I'm small and seemingly lesser.    

Well you know what? I'm not.  It might take me longer, but I'll still get the job done.  I try my best to play to my strengths and work where I fit.  I get by and I really wish that I was held to a completely impossible standard.  I can just be...this and be okay with it. 
Sadly, the standard probably won't ever change.  All I can do is hope that I can hold onto the adequacy I feel right now because...


Jessica Hall said...

Yay, For You! And please you have nothing on those other women that the boys are eye googling over anyways. You are beautiful, fit, and smart and you can do more for yourself then many others can. You Are More than enough.

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