Being a female in the Army is hard. Scratch that. Being a female is hard. Period. Don't get me wrong there are things that I love about being a girl, but it has some serious downfalls.
I read an article today by a bikini competitor who writes for the Huff Post. The gist of the article was that women have been put up on this pedestal. It explained that the ideal picture of a 'fit' woman is unattainable for 90% of females. The point of it was de-sexualizing a fit body, but I sort of took away something different from it.
For the first time in my life, I felt adequate. Adequacy is something that I haven't felt in a long time. I stand in front of a mirror and I see negative things. I see my splotchy skin that I should have grown out of. I see brown hair that won't stay one color no matter how often I dye it. I see a smile I hate to show. I see small. Weak. Less. Not enough.
I listen to men talk all day about women with the perfect ass and a beautiful face. Perfectly tanned legs that go great with their sundress. They stare. Judge. Rate. And they cut down women who's story they know nothing about.
I work in a place where I'm surrounded by men all day. I do manual labor that is too hard for my small body and weak muscles. I work twice as hard to accomplish half the work. I get made fun of because I'm small and seemingly lesser.
Well you know what? I'm not. It might take me longer, but I'll still get the job done. I try my best to play to my strengths and work where I fit. I get by and I really wish that I was held to a completely impossible standard. I can just be...this and be okay with it.
Sadly, the standard probably won't ever change. All I can do is hope that I can hold onto the adequacy I feel right now because...
