I Am Enough

Real talk. Being a female in the Army is hard. Scratch that. Being a female is hard. Period. Don't get me wrong there are things that I love about being a girl, but it has some serious downfalls. 
I read an article today by a bikini competitor who writes for the Huff Post.  The gist of the article was that women have been put up on this pedestal. It explained that the ideal picture of a 'fit' woman is unattainable for 90% of females.  The point of it was de-sexualizing a fit body, but I sort of took away something different from it. 
For the first time in my life, I felt adequate.  Adequacy is something that I haven't felt in a long time.  I stand in front of a mirror and I see negative things.  I see my splotchy skin that I should have grown out of.  I see brown hair that won't stay one color no matter how often I dye it.  I see a smile I hate to show.  I see small.  Weak. Less. Not enough. 

I listen to men talk all day about women with the perfect ass and a beautiful face.  Perfectly tanned legs that go great with their sundress.  They stare.  Judge.  Rate.  And they cut down women who's story they know nothing about.  
I work in a place where I'm surrounded by men all day.  I do manual labor that is too hard for my small body and weak muscles. I work twice as hard to accomplish half the work.  I get made fun of because I'm small and seemingly lesser.    
Well you know what? I'm not.  It might take me longer, but I'll still get the job done.  I try my best to play to my strengths and work where I fit.  I get by and I really wish that I was held to a completely impossible standard.  I can just be...this and be okay with it.  Sadly, the standard probably won't ever change.  All I can do is hope that I can hold onto the adequacy I feel right now because...